Predictive Pecker

The dick of destiny comes individually wrapped and with a pictorial reference guide making it easy for couples to see what sexual position they must take.

If just the bellend moves, the instruction is Give Head;
just the balls means Hand Job;
both ends will result in a 69;
curling up at the sides will mean Cunnilingus;
no move means a missionary;
flips over will be Doggie Style;

and if it crinkles up completely the user can choose to do all the other actions or just go to sleep.